Tour De France Drama! Lance cuts Contador deep, “Cuddles” Cadel Evans misses the break, Sastre is pegged as “cat-like”, Cavendish hooks up with Farrar

As promised, this year’s Tour De France is already a nail-biter with more drama and explosions than the latest Michael Bay Transformers flick. The only thing that could make this any better would be Megan Fox with a suite of podium girls racing in their birthday suits in the Team Time Trial (now called the Triple T) followed up by a champagne shower and pillow fight!

Lance is back, Slipstream is a force to be reckoned with, Farrar has prime-time coverage in The Wall Street Journal, and Hincapie is in his 14th Tour…. Damn it’s good to be an American in France… Well except for Chris Horner who got bounced for some Spaniard to keep Contador happy. Sorry dude.

Onward and upward! In Stage 3, we saw some serious fireworks. The TDF organizers got serious and fined Astana the extravagant sum of 65 Euros (that’s like $92 US) for being late to registration. Blame Mr. Ben Stiller who evidently was having coffee with Armstrong. Interestingly this story has been spun via NYTimes that the team was late due to signing fan autographs. I smell Dodgeball 2.

Along those lines, NYTImes correspondent Julie Macur tweeted earlier today that Carlos Sastre’s helmet read “cat-like” as an apparent reference to his cat-like reflexes or superhuman climbing abilities? Hey may be the guy has a serious soft spot for Tabbies or is into that whole Furrie thing? Or may be it’s just his helmet sponsor Julie… Thanks for playing. Oh and I guess you deleted the tweet out of embarrassment, but nothing ever dies on the interweb!

"Carlos Sastre's Cervelo Test Team is about to take off. His tear-drop helmet has the word, "Cat-like" on the side." - Juliet Macur (@JulietMacur)

Stage 3 also saw a serious, jaw-breaking, cream my pants break of the wild in the crazy hard Mistral winds, as Columbia dropped the HAMMER with only a few riders from the other teams responding with 10km to go in the stage. In the break was Mr. Armstrong with two of his LTs, Popovych and former rival Zubeldia. Seriously who isn’t on this team? I hear Astana is in talks with Shaq and Tiger Woods to join for 2010. The rumor mill was buzzing that former teammate, good buddy and all-around superdude, George Hincapie tipped off LA or even juicier is perhaps Cav (that’s Mark Cavendish, call me, to you lot) was the one to tell his bestest buddy Armstrong about the break prior to it happening. Watch the tape. I’ll let you be the judge, but my hats off to Lance (and Johan Bruyneel) for being savvy enough to stay at the front with some peeps to cover this type of situation.

Of course when there are winners there are always losers. “Junior Racers” Contador, Cuddles and others were left with their pants down in the final stretches of the stage. OOPS. I heard Cuddles still sleeps with the stuffed lion from last year, sucking his thumb. He needs to take a page from Ronnie Johns and “harden the fuck up” (yes I know he is a much better biker than I will ever become, my tongue is firmly in my cheek).

Tyler Farrar. Tyler Farrar. You’re like the Great White Sprinting Hope that America never asked for, but man, you rock! Keep it up and I hope to see more Argyle in the front with DZ, Millar and CVV.

Until I get a chance to watch the Team Time Trial tonight (nahnahnah not listening), I leave you with images of Megan Fox and her sugar plum humps dancing through your head.